It all started eight weeks ago when I signed up for the Body by Glamour Challenge. It was then spurred on by my pal Erin who was determined to learn how to run two miles (all at once)…Motivated by the warmer days and the temptations of the mare, and even more so by the November 16 deadline…I began
Only – it hasn’t. Melted down, I mean. After two months – eight weeks – 56 days – 1,344 hours of being committed to a workout program I have lost EXACTLY zero kilos – or – pounds for that matter! Now granted, it is possible things are firmer or tighter, but I’m talking REAL RESULTS. Results you can SEE – on a SCALE. Those are important to me.
But, I never was a quitter and I don’t intend to give up now. So – I persist!
But, my friends, I am not alone.
In the persistance thing, I mean.
It seems my commitment to persistance fits in around here.
In those not-quite-daily-but-at-least-four-or-five-times-a-week-walks I’ve seen more PERSISTANCE than I care to discuss. But, I will anyway. Cause, it is a little funny.
Other expats and visitors to Italy have commented on the insistent stares they get from men. Some girls like it, some don’t, but it doesn’t really matter. If you are a woman who has spent any real time in Italy, you know what I am talking about. This is amplified when you are out for a passagiatta or a little jog – alone.
I feel, however, while basking in my 30something American woman wisdom that I should offer these guys a bit of, shall we say, assistance with their pursuits. I have created the following guidelines for any man trying to attract a woman while she is outside alone.
We will begin by discussing “The Horn.”
1. If you are trying to entice a woman to look in your direction, and you feel you absolutely MUST rely on the car horn to do this, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT LAY on the horn. A long HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK, making the woman jump back out of fear is NOT the most productive approach.
2. This goes double if you have a DEEP HORN, making more of a HOOOOOOOONK‘ing noise. It is scary. She isn’t attracted to it. You won’t get to talk to her.
3. Some cars these days have a deep, almost growl-like horn. GROOOOOOOOOO. This won’t work well for you, either.
Do not under any circumstances honk if you…
1. are driving a cement trunk. The horn is loud and obnoxious and we will think you are, too.
2. are driving a three-wheeled tractor. It sounds broken and meek, and again, it reflects poorly on you.
3. are driving a scooter, with another boy sitting behind you, eating ice cream…(do I NEED to explain this?)
4. If you are with another woman (could be your sister, your girlfriend, or your wife). If she looks at us accusingly it will NOT be good for you…any way about it!
5. If you are older than my paw-paw. You should be paying attention to the road – not the people walking near it.
6. If you are still in high school. (Well, now…what 30something year old woman wouldn’t mind if a kid half her age tried to flirt?!?) You get a pass.
7. If you look like Noah from The Notebook. You get a pass, too.
A couple of the more creative, yet still amusing attempts I have seen…
A car full of “boys” drives near you, slows down, and one of them says, “Excuse me, can you tell me where the basketball court is?” “Uh, yea…right behind you!”
Two men drive by slowly and one of them says, “Ciao, I’m ___. We just wanted to meet you.” Then they drive off.
Well, at the end of the day (or the end of the Body by Glamour 12-week program) some of these attempts HAVE worked. No – I have never actually SPOKEN to anyone who has scared me to death with his horn, or any of the ones who execute the “drive by,” but it doesn’t hurt an ego, ya know? When you are outside, running, walking, jogging, running, walking, jogging…sweating, dying…sweating, dying…a simple glance and a smile can go a long way.
A long way towards refueling that motivation to move forward with the summer meltdown. After all, these last four weeks of the program could be the clincher.
Or, maybe it has worked already.
Maybe, just maybe…my scale is broken!